Oh, Hadir, I'm so sorry. I feel like crying hearing what you went through. You deserved so much better.
My mother also had traumatic childbirths. Her second in particular. To this day--twenty-three years later, she holds a lot of anger over how much the disrespected her wishes and her agency and put her new children (twins) at risk.
I have every intention of giving birth with a midwife at birthing center when the time comes. Obviously, that's not an option in all places and in all situations, but I feel so strongly about it. When I had a miscarriage earlier this year, I went to a midwifery center for my check-up, and they were so kind and caring and respectful.
For every reason you've stated, I never want to give birth with a doctor in a hospital (although, yes, I know, sometimes it is fine).
I wish you the best as you process all of this emotionally and recover from what was done to you.
Thank you for sharing both your experience and the important facts.